


The California Penal Code Sections 314 & 538d Hypothesis

by Lauren (notalwaysweak)



Series: Meet You on the Sly [2]
Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-05
Updated: 2014-06-05
Packaged: 2018-02-03 12:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1744202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notalwaysweak/pseuds/Lauren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Penny has to bail Raj and Stuart out of jail after certain acts of public indecency.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The California Penal Code Sections 314 & 538d Hypothesis

**Author's Note:**

> I think this is possibly my most contrived last minute title ever.
> 
> TBBT characters belong to Chuck Lorre and so on and I am not making any financial gain off this work of fan fiction. Actually, since I'm going to a con this weekend to talk about TBBT and fan fiction, but I have to pay for con entry and accommodation, I'm even paying just to be able to _talk_ about this stupid, infuriating, adorable show.
> 
> * * *

Penny has only just gone to sleep when her cell shrills her awake again. The caller ID coyly announces a private number, and normally she’d let it go to voicemail, but she’s waiting on an agent callback for a hair dye ad, and even though that’s a little insulting it’s still a job, and oh shit her phone is still ringing.

“Hello?”

“Penny, thank God. It’s Raj.”

“Oh, hey. Where are you?”

“Jail.”

This is apparently not a phone call that is going to lead to her getting a job. “Huh?”

“It’s a long story and you can never _ever_ tell the others.” He gives her the station address, and also the revelation that Stuart is there with him.

“I don’t know if I can afford to bail you out,” Penny says. “Are you sure I can’t at least tell Leonard? You didn’t kill someone for their comic books, did you?”

“Penny, _please_.”

Fuck it. She has a MasterCard that’s not quite maxed out, and she’s insatiably curious as to what could land the two sweetest guys she knows (sorry, Leonard) in jail.

 

When she gets down there it doesn’t take a detective to work out what’s been going on. In fact, it only requires one officer to drag her boys’ sorry asses out of their holding cell, and she only needs to look at them to draw her conclusions.

“I thought Wolowitz was the one into painted-on pants.”

“Penny.”

“Are those _actual_ leather?”

“Penny…”

She turns her attention to Stuart. “Blue suits you.”

Stuart just hitches his pants up where they’re trying to sneak down his left hip and glares at her with as much menace as a sleepy kitten.

“You happy to vouch for these two, ma’am?” the cop – the _actual_ cop – asks.

“I guess that depends on what the charges are.”

“ _Penny_ ,” Raj says for the third time.

“Impersonating a police officer and indecent exposure. We have no evidence that any money changed hands, so there’s nothing regarding solicitation.”

“What about bail?”

“Given that there weren’t any actual complaints – we found ‘em on a routine patrol of the area – two-fifty each.” He looks from Raj to Stuart and back again. “You were lucky nobody called it in. You could be looking at ten grand.”

“This is one hell of an expensive date,” Penny says, digging in her purse.

The officer brings her the paperwork and returns the boys’ stuff to them. Stuart takes long enough fixing his belt that she sees the cuffs – and they are _not_ the cheap fluffy sort – and the bottle Stuart attempts to hide that is evidently not a mace canister. Raj’s sleeves are short and do not hide his chafed wrists.

Well, well.

“Okay, ma’am, they’re all yours.”

“Thank you. Are you going to stay out of trouble, boys?”

“ _Penny_ ,” Raj says.

She just laughs and shepherds the two of them out to her car.

 

“Are you going home, or should I just drop you off on a street corner somewhere?” she asks once they’re in the car; she’s making Stuart ride shotgun, just in case.

“Home,” Stuart says.

“We weren’t on a _corner_ ,” Raj gripes.

“Oh? Where were you?”

“Behind the store.” Out of the corner of her eye she sees Stuart blush.

“Male hooker and corrupt vice cop,” Penny muses. “Creative.”

“Pen _ny_ ,” Stuart says.

“You know, the best Leonard’s ever managed is Green Lantern.”

“Penny...”

“I still don’t know where he got the matching condoms.”

“I feel like jail had less TMI, and I had to watch a strange drunk dude pee in a bucket,” Stuart says.

 

She drops them off, getting out of the car to say goodbye. To her surprise they both kiss her goodnight, not on the cheek as is their norm, but on the lips. Brief, but meaningful. Grateful.

“Please don’t tell,” Raj says again.

“It’ll be our little secret,” Penny says.

 

She drives home via the store, her curiosity still piqued. The alley out back is quiet, and she has to wonder what patrolling cops would really want back here. Somewhere to smoke, maybe.

Or maybe some noise caught their attention.

Her mind puts the pieces together. She doesn’t generally engage in contemplation of her friends’ love lives, but this time she can see the scene unfolding.

Stuart topping Raj. Had to be, given the juxtaposition of their outfits. Stuart cuffing Raj, and then what? Raj on his knees, back against the wall, eyes closed but mouth open. God knows she’s been in that position before, although without the cuffs.

But then there was the lube tucked into Stuart’s belt instead of the mace. If there’s one thing giving head doesn’t need, it’s extra fluids everywhere.

And then she sees the pallets, stacked suspiciously neatly at just the right height to, oh, bend someone over them? And she  _knows_.

Still waters run deep. She suddenly wishes she hadn’t screwed things up with Stuart. She wouldn’t mind being on the receiving end of that kind of imagination and forethought. Leonard tries, but there’s a difference between trying and doing. And Raj doubtless contributes his own ideas.

Suddenly she’s not sure which of them she’s more jealous of.

Leonard’s who she’s with, though, and she can go home to him to ease the unexpected tension that’s formed inside her.

He needn’t know exactly what has her so turned on.


End file.
